"Princess" of the Cat People

While I enjoy making fun of living with my parents, occasionally I like to look outside of my immediate surroundings to find new and interesting targets for my ridicule. This is where my neighbors come in...

When Phill and I lived in our apartment, there was never a lack of entertainment provided by our neighbors. For example, "The Griswolds", as we called them, decided to go all out for the apartment's complex-wide Christmas Lights competition. 30,000 lights and numerous illuminated statues later, we could barely sleep at night from the glow. We were never so glad to see them move away. Especially when they used the flatbed trailer usually reserved for their ski-doos to tow away their sofa...while sitting on it.

Life in a house in a residential neighborhood does not often afford us the luxury of observing the best of mental illness at work. If anything, WE are that house. My dad has made his own front yard fencing using warped 2x4s and too much enthusiasm. My daughter decorated our front lawn with plastic flamingoes and stone owl statues, safely encased in the pigpen my dad inadvertantly made when he erected what I call "Fisher Price Little People Barnyard Fencing".

Imagine my delight when, as the months go on, it turns out we may not be the craziest people on the street. My next door neighbors have two cats and countless chickens. We have been following "The Chicken and Cat Saga" religiously for over a year now. You'd think the chickens would be more interesting than the cats...but the chickens don't run on LEASHES on a ZIP LINE in the backyard.

I will never forget the first time I was hanging out in my backyard when I kept hearing a strange "ziiiippp" noise. As I walked around to investigate, I noticed a black cat going batshit crazy back and forth across the neighbor's lawn. Occasionally, the cats get a break from the zip line to be walked around the neighborhood on their leashes. If we are outside, the neighbor brings the moody animals over to "say hi". However, saying hi for the cats is hissing and clawing, which is especially disconcerting when they are dressed for Halloween in angel costumes.

I assumed the family on the other side of us was normal. Big family, teenagers, their friends, etc.etc. The only thing that bugged me was their yappy dog and the equally yappy mother who would call the dog in at all hours of the night. If Phill and I slept with our bedroom windows open, we could hear, "PRINCESSSSS, PRIIIIIIINNNNNCESSSSSS!!" over and over. I hated Princess. Princess NEVER came when she was called. But at least the dog wasn't barking when it was off running around the neighborhood unsupervised despite our city's leash law.

This nightly "Screaming for the Dog" ritual has almost become just another nighttime noise to me, like crickets or cars passing gently down the street. "PRINCESS! PRINCESS!" I can almost ignore it now...but not quite.

Then, last week we uncovered a bombshell. My mother was outside when the cats on leashes came by to "say hi" with their owner. They got to talking about the animals in the area, and our neighbor mentioned the other neighbor's cat, "PRINCESS"!

Holy shit, do you know what this means?! Our neighbors have been trying IN VAIN for over 18 months to call in their cat at night.

Princess has her owners wrapped around her finger (paw?), because while the yappy dog is apparently stuck at home sleeping all night, this cat is roaming the streets while the owners bellow her name for hours each night for months...while expecting different results every time!

It's going to be another long summer...